Gathering Clues

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As a life coach and retreat leader, Yota works with women seeking clarity, inspiration, and purpose in the midst of life changes. Her approach is intuitive and deeply influenced by her cultural roots, work and life experience, and her long-term practice of mindfulness meditation.

4 Comments

  • Danielle Venturini

    I’m not sure if this is relevant. I talked to my therapist about it, and she was able to give some insight. I sometimes have the feeling of impending doom. I just feel like things are going so well, I’m almost anticipating something to go wrong. I have a place I call home, money in the bank to start a new life, an opportunity to save money, as well as I am able to give myself whatever I want. I almost feel fear that this too would be taken from me. She explained to me it was part of the result of the trauma I’ve experienced.

    The mediator emailed me regarding a bill to settle up for her services. Even seeing that email made my stomach turn. Knowing that my ex husband was included in that email. I sometimes feel like he still has power to hurt me. He doesn’t. I think it may just be past trauma.

    I started yoga. I go 3-4 times a week. It’s been helpful. There’s some meditation at the end, where I try to stay present in the moment. They often say go with light, and when I focus on that, the dark seems to fade. Darkness being the uncomfortable feelings. I know I am grateful and deserving of everything I have. My life seems to be going better now than it ever did. It’s crazy to say that, but I wish I had this mindset 5 years ago. I’m proud of myself.

  • Yota Schneider

    Good morning Danielle,

    I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’re seeing a therapist who is helping you sort through the dark corners of this experience. She’s right you know. You’ve been through trauma and trauma needs time, light, and fresh air to heal.

    You can’t rush healing. You set your intention and you do the best you can. You put one foot in front of the other, you take each day as it comes, and you take good care of yourself. Through it all, you engage in conversations with yourself. You talk yourself “off the ledge” and you remind her that you’re taking good care of her and things are good.

    During this process, you come to know yourself deeply, intimately. You get to accept your shortcomings and celebrate your goodness. You let defeat teach you to recognize victory and celebrate.

    Everything you shared relates to this unit. When you saw the email from the mediator, your body gave you a clear signal. Nope, not that way. You need your space and you need distance from anything that triggers the trauma he caused. In due time, it will soften up but for now … follow your instincts.

    I invite you to continue paying attention to the signals / signs and write your observations down.

    Congratulations on starting with yoga classes. Emotional trauma gets lodged in the body and yoga can help you. As a long time meditation practitioner, I can attest to the benefits of meditation and stillness. Even these short meditation sessions at the end of yoga class can make a huge difference.

    As for the mindset … yes, we all wish we knew then what we know now but …. you wouldn’t be today without your yesterdays and all they brought along with them.

    You’re doing well. Give yourself an extra hug from me. xoxo

  • Danielle Venturini

    Something came up this week regarding my old situation. It was intentionally meant to hurt me. It was upsetting, but I dwelled on it. I felt it, and moved right over it. I decided I was no longer part of that narrative, and it had no power over me. It became beneath me. It for sure repelled me. I had therapy 2 days after it happened. We ended up cutting the session short, because I didn’t need the time to discuss it. It was very fresh, and normally I could use a whole session on these incidents. I managed it on my own. I was very happy to see how in control I was. I also said my ex husband will never know the new me. That felt powerful.

    I had dinner with a friend yesterday. I set some boundaries, and vocalized I was not “bending” After some hesitation, I agreed to see him again. I noticed his kind, sincere eyes. How soft spoken he was, and how attracted I was to his energy. It felt secure. He understood my needs, and heard me loud and clear. This could work out or not, and I’m mentally prepared to handle if this is just not for me. I don’t feel vulnerable, or as fragile anymore.

    • Yota Schneider

      Dear Danielle,

      It seems you’re being given opportunities for validation and affirmation. I am glad you’re continuing to gather clues and notice what comes your way.

      Your strength is returning. I am looking forward to our session on Friday.

      xoxo

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