Connecting the Dots

“You have to be able to be happy in your own company,” he says. He appears to be in his seventies and he’s sitting with a younger woman. We’re at the mall where I brought my daughters and a friend of theirs for shopping. I’m not interested in shopping but I don’t want to drive home and back again. I decide to stay, have a cup of coffee, watch the world go by, and maybe write.

As I sit down and make myself comfortable I can’t help but listen to his words. Maybe I hear them because they hold meaning for me. I know people who are terrified of being alone. Solitude is a curse for them. “You have to be able to be happy in your own company!” Some people get that, being able to tune out the noise of the world and the distractions that come their way.

Distractions beckon. People have become hypnotized by speed. We have turned into an ADD society. Our attention moves from one thing to the next and refuses to linger. Images and messages are coming our way faster and faster. We think and communicate in soundbites and cliches. We revel in other people’s wise words but do not allow the essence of the words to penetrate the surface. Meanwhile, we profess to crave deep, meaningful relationships and connections. It takes longer than a few milliseconds to create deep, meaningful connections and nurture fulfilling relationships.

I welcome solitude. I’ve grown to like my own company. I like to observe human nature, starting with myself. The intricacies of our relationship to self, the way we talk to ourselves, the choice of words, the feelings that follow thoughts. How easy it is to fool ourselves into believing one thing as we do another.

My daughter held my face in her hands, this morning, examining it closely. She noticed my lines and then came up with suggestions about “taking some years off.” “This is the 21st century,” she said. “Does it bother you not looking young anymore?” “It doesn’t bother me,” I answered. “I accept it. This is who I am today. I’m not twenty anymore and I like it.” She shook her head. How is that possible?

We are confusing ourselves to no end. We want to freeze time and look young –  forever. We want to speed time when we don’t like something. We want to stretch time because 24 hours in a day are never enough. Yet time is time. It keeps flowing, unconcerned, detached, unaware of our little dramas. We can’t grasp, alter, hasten or slow time. Time is the great equalizer. It just is.

There is one thing we can control and that’s our relationship to time. It’s like any other relationship. The more we try to control, shape, avoid, or manipulate, the more elusive the object of our obsession becomes.

We can choose what to do with the time we have. We can choose to let go of the illusion of control. We can make different choices and we can accept what is. We can stop yelling at the weather and see what we can do with what is given to us. That would be a good first step to nurturing a healthy, mutually supportive relationship, don’t you think?

As a life coach and retreat leader, Yota works with women seeking clarity, inspiration, and purpose in the midst of life changes. Her approach is intuitive and deeply influenced by her cultural roots, work and life experience, and her long-term practice of mindfulness meditation.

4 Comments

  • Melissa Oesch

    Yota- Dynamite! This is articulated well and covers much of how I’ve chosen to enter this new year. Intentionally pausing is so significant as is our ability to slow down in general and be. Thanks for sharing!

  • Yota Schneider

    Thanks for stopping by, Melissa. Happy New Year! You’re so right . . . we all share the ability to pause and just be. It’s being intentional and willing that make the difference. Thank you for sharing your intention for the new year. Blessings.

    • Yota Schneider

      Thank you for your comment Rosa. You know that whatever resonates with us is what we aspire to, a deep seated desire. I would think that the need for developing a deep friendship with ourselves is something we all share. It’s healing and it’s what we’re here to learn. It seems to me you’re on the right path. Hugs. Yota

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